It seems like everyone has a preferred name for their breasts - be it boobs, tits or one of the more inventive slang terms, like, umm, 'juggernauts' or 'charlies' (albeit more rare).
Whilst we're all for those who prefer to solely use the correct anatomical term, so as not to soften, diminish or make fun of what they really are with euphemisms and take pride in their bodies, it seems boob nicknames are still here to stay. And to be honest, we're open to that too... because a lot of them are quite funny and life is boring when it's not spent having a bit of a laugh over terms like 'bangers'. Right?
So, in the spirit of choice, here's a definitive ranking of all the different words for breasts (in part thanks to a list shared by the lingerie experts at Curvy Kate):
Let's start with the easy ones:
1. Breasts
2. Boobs
3. Mammory Glands
4. Boobies
5. Tits
6. Titties
7. Ta-tas
Some food-related names:
9. Fiery biscuits (as per The Mighty Boosh, apparently)
9. Melons
10. Baps
11. Coconuts
12. Bangers
13. Cream Pies
14. Iced Gems
15. Bacon Hangers (our little minds can't even)
16. Fried Eggs
17. Cantaloupes
Delmaine Donson
And then some milky vibes:
18. 'She drank her school milk' (no, we don't understand either?)
19. Milk Monsters
20. Milkers
Random celebrity names:
21. Brad Pitts
22. Danny Devitos
Double acts:
23. The Twins
24. Minnie and Mickey
25. Phil and Lil
26. Mary-Kate and Ashley
27. The Mitchell Brothers
28. Pinky and Perky
29. Ant and Dec (apparently!)
30. Mario and Luigi
All the animals:
31. Puppies
32. Snuggle pups
33. Cat Flaps
34. Wattdogs
35. Udders
36. Spaniel's Ears
37. Mosquito Bites
Cute names:
38. Noogies
39. Babs
40. Lills
41. 'The Girls'
42. Buds
43. Bips
LumiNola
Pretty much everything else:
44. Norks
45. Chebs
46. Maracas
47. Slammers
48. Tig Ol Bitties
49. Chebblies
50. Wabs
51. Funbags
52. Chesticles
53. Jugs
54. Waps
55. Tatas
56. Bazoombas
57. Breasticles
58. Bazookas
59. Mammeries
60. Bristol Cities
61. Cha-chas
62. Bosoms
63. Jubblies
64. Charlies
65. Juggernauts
66. Peaks
67. Knockers
68. Rack
69. Shelf
70. Dongles
71. Nunga Nungas
72. Wangers
73. Swingers
74. Air-bags
75. Tatty Bo Jangles
76. Honker Honkers
77. Cans
78. Babylons
79. Bubbalas
80. Nipple Holsters
81. Life Savers
82. Buoyancy aids
83. Orbs
84. Bongos
85. Watties
86. Bouncers
87. Wagons
88. Globes
89. Shoulder Boulders (or just 'boulders' works too)
90. Hooters
91. Muchachas
And lastly, we present you... grim names:
92. Mud Flaps
93. Man boobs
94. Fleshy Mounds
95. Upper Bollocks
96. TB's (Top Bollocks)
97. Dirty Pillows
98. Naughty Pillows
99. Two old socks
So, whether you love them or loathe them, hopefully you've been entertained by the likes of tatty bo jangles and bongos either way. Though mud flaps likely made you wince.
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Jess Edwards is the Editor of Cosmopolitan.com/UK, overseeing all things digital.
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